X Rated
by XxPredictablexX
Summary: You're caught,Red X! Finally, I see the coming of justice!""Pf. I saw the coming of your mom last night." Red X is caught, and forced to stay at Titan Tower,which causes some...chaos. Rated T for language, and adulterated humor.
1. Coming of Justice

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Teen Titans, or any characters, or pretty much anything to do with it at all. xD

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As I stood there, both arms caught in the tiny space the window provided on the door of the fucking Titan-Twink Mobile,

I reflected on what a friggen dumbass I was.

There it was- right there in the car, just sitting there!

The mask. My mask.

Of course, the Titans had discovered it from when I had oh-so- nobly lost it, and of course went off to check out the scene. Giving me my chance, of course.

The chance that I screwed over pretty nicely.

So there I stood, going over all of the options of how this could go in my head.

I could yank the windows out, but that would set off the friggen car alarm, which would give me even less time than I already had. If only I could just reach the lock- Well, that wouldn't do any good. Unlocking the damn thing wouldn't get my arms out of here.

I could try pushing the car- wait, huh? Where the fuck would I go?

Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass. Maybe I friggen deserve being caught, for being so stupid and careless. Young and stupid, I recalled. The very words of my father.

Yup, sounds about right.

So, instead of of plotting an escape like I should've been, I stood there thinking about something cool and witty I could say for when they showed up. I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to talk myself out of this, anyhow. What was I supposed to say? _Hey, what's up? I'm dressing up as a non-publicly known criminal for Belated Halloween, and I just couldn't help myself at finishing it off with that fabulous mask that I was just about to jack from your car? _Nah, I would rather go to jail than try to pull that dandy of a lie off.

My thoughts were rudely interrupted as I heard a blunt cough coming from right behind him. I twisted over from my current position to look, and of course, as fate would have it.

"Holy shit, Batman! It's the Boy-Friggen-Blunder!"

I couldn't help but grin behind my curtain of hair as I saw his eye twitch in annoyance.

"Red X?"

"No, it's your mom. Dumbass."

Robin twitched once more. He's a very twitchy guy, I concluded. Kinda like a squirrel, or a chipmunk.

Robin smirked slightly after, most likely at me being dumb enough to be caught. "Stuck, huh?"

"Thanks for noticing."

He stood back for a moment, gawking at me, and I could tell what he was thinking? Psh, look at silly Red X, with his mask off. That emo kid. Damnit, I may have a bit of the black-swoopy-hair-eyeliner thing going on, but that was only because I was trying to find my true identity! Ah well, it gave my shocking bright blue eyes the creepy effect, which was fun to use. And of course, everyone knows how gorgeous I am.

A rather vampire-like smile spread across my pierced lip as I looked over at him. "See something you like, sweetheart?" Don't laugh. Don't laugh. It'll only make you look like a lamer if you laugh at your own comment.

"Yeah. I see the coming of justice."

I snorted. Pf. And I was worried about being lame?

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I saw the coming of your mom last night. Oh yeah, let that one sink in!"

Robin did that twitchy thing again, and walked over, starting to saw the window off with some kind of gadget. "Well, you'll be glad to know that I'm not taking you to jail. Yet."

It honestly didn't concern me much. I would be gone by the time any of the others got back, but of course, I didn't voice this aloud.

"I've decided to make you stay at the Titan Tower. I have a feeling that there's more to you than I've figured out."

"It only took me two seconds to figure you out. Gay-In-A-Hand-basket-Of-Justice."

I did consider this, though.

A chance to make all of their lives a living hell, from the safety of their home? Well, that sounded fun, and quite lately, to be honest, I was pretty friggen bored. And quiet honestly, what better way for revenge than slowly peeling away the sanity of the mind?

I grinned manically, and Robin raised an eyebrow at me as he sawed away the last of the window.

This was defiantly going to be fun.

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Woo! So, yeah, that was the first chapter. :D Sorry if anything seemed OOC or anything, but hey, Red X must have his slip-ups too, right? xD Red X is my favorite though, with his wittiness and such. There should be more stories about him, bwahah. Sorry if there were any huge mistakes, but I don't have much time to read this over, so forgive me for now, pleasse? :D

I already have the plot bunny in my head for the next chapter, so if you like it so far and want to see more, review, please. :D Thanks for reading!


	2. The Rules?

_**Disclaimer: I still own nothing. .**_

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"Now that your staying in the tower for a while, X, I'll have you know that there are a few rules that go with it."

"I want a llama."

"Didn't you say your name was Spencer?"

"You should know. Your mom was screaming it allll niight loooonnggggggggg."

"I highly doubt it."

"You don't have to believe it. Just as long as the possibility of me being your bona-fide father doesn't scare you."

Robin blinked, and I couldn't exactly tell whether he actually seriously thought about it or not.

Haha, dumbass.

"As I was saying..."

Maybe Robin didn't have a twitching problem. Maybe he just had little mini seizures all of the time. Kinda like that one guy I met that one time, in this one place.

"What do llamas eat, anyway? Straw?"

Robin glared at being interrupted again. Gawd, be could be a bitch sometimes.

"No touching things that aren't supposed to be touched."

I swear to fucking god, he's just setting himself up for these!

"No going into places that you aren't supposed to go."

...

"And just in case you ever run into any trouble, make sure you carry protection at all times."

I choked up with laughter, which of course earned me looks from the circle of pubescent heroes, but fucking seriously! Could all of them really be that stupid? I guess nobody ever lets heroes in on the whole birds and bees thing, somebody needs to throw them a friggen limb out there.

Might as well be me.

"Hey, guess what."

All of them looked at me, of course.

"Vagina."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Now, _this_ is a Kodak moment.

"Robin..." I heard Starfire ask, in that dumbshit tone of voice. "What is this..._vagina_...that Red X speaks of?"

What the fuck? What the hell is it called in that fucking universe?

"Yeah, Robin," I egged on, highly amused and ready for how Boy Blunder would dig himself out of this one. "What is this...this vagina? A state or something?"

Robin shot that glare at me, the same exact glare that I see him give Slade.

Pf, Slade. Another creeper in the book right there.

Robin turned a bright red as Starfire continued to stare at Robin innocently. Well, with her outfit, you think she'd be used to conversations like these!

"I...uhhhh...I have to go train!"

Wow, I don't think I've ever seen him run so fast in my life.

I thought it was pretty great, how they could stare death in a face,

but Robin runs away at even the word vagina.

Yup, I confirmed to myself,

He's totally gay.

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_**A/N: **_

**Ahaha, well, that was definitely fun to write. xDD I want to thank everyone that reviewed sooooo much, I was really surprised at how many I got. :D It's what motivated me to write this chapter today, actually. So, you know the drill...if you want the next chapter, all you have to do is review! I think I have something cooked up for the next chapter...bwahah. xD**

**Also, I stole the bonafied father crack from somewhere...but I can't remember where. Oh well, I'll come back and edit this if I remember. Just know that it isn't mine. xD **

**Thanks for reading! :D Hope you review. See you next time! **


	3. Stirring of Chaos

1Disclaimer: Yeah, so, I pretty much own none of this. All DC Comics, blah blah blah. I don't think I even own the pair of pants I'm wearing...How depressing.

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"Y'know, I wouldn't snoop around in there too much. You may find something that you just wouldn't want to."

I grinned, and suddenly, the rule of every bag being checked before entering Titans Tower wasn't so important to Cyborg anymore, and he handed my backpack straight back to me. A pretty big mistake on their part, I noted, making a failed attempt to not smirk. I'm sure there's some pretty fucked up things in their, things that just _might _not be legal in the state. But those were always the most fun, right?

I blinked, hearing a clunk from behind me. I picked it up from the floor, and there I saw a rainbow colored Slinky. "Huh...must've fell out of my bag, I guess."

"Do you just jab random things in there on impulse?" asked Beast Boy.

"No, but your mom does. In her-"

"Okay, that's enough!" Robin proclaimed, not sure he wanted to hear what, exactly. Huh, maybe he was finally starting to learn? Nah.

"In her what? I wanna know!"

I snickered. "Use your imagination. Because that's about as far as you're gonna get."

I brought my hand up to my mouth in mock shock of the "burn," and laughed at how oblivious all of them really were.

They really needed to get out more often.

_-An hour later-_

Jesus Christ of Nazareth! Robin had been running his trap for about a friggen hour now. Something about attack formation, I don't really know. Who cares? It's boring.

So, with my sweet ninja skills, I snuck out of the main room, managing to get unnoticed, and stepped in to the hall, wondering where I should go.

A devious smirk struck me, as an idea did as well.

I started towards the next door, and went down the stairs, into the lowest part of the tower.

The room where even the smallest bit of evidence existed.

Well, this should be a blasty blast.

Walking over to the first filing cabinet I saw- resisting the urge to hum James Bond themes- I saw that it had a lock, obviously.

So, I kicked the living shit out of it.

_Ding! Welcome, Robin! _

Holy fuck, did the filing cabinet just like, speak? Well, didn't matter anyway. Some security system it was, though rather convenient for him.

I shuffled through a bunch of random papers, not bothering to put them back in the order that they were. Just another way to ruffle Robby's feathers. Hah. The bird puns never get old. Or well, they do, but just when other people use them. It's _always _cool when _I _use them.

I kept skimming the pictures, snickering to myself. Most of these guys looked like middle aged men that lived in their mother's basement. I was about to toss them all back, when one caught my eye.

"Moth Man?" I said aloud, and couldn't help but burst into laugher. What the fuck? What is he, Lord of the friggen Moths? And how did that whore Kitty get conceive from _him? _Who the fuck would want to have sex with that?!

Getting bored and shaking off my pointless th oughts, I crept deeper into the abyss of evidence.

Then, I saw it. There, in the middle of the room, was one mask that I was pretty sure everyone in the entire world knew.

Slade's mask.

_Approximately an hour later...._

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AH! AH! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHH! OH, GOD!"

Don't laugh. Don't laugh, don't laugh.

I watched as all of the rest of the Titans jumped, looking over at the source of the hysterical screams.

Coming from none other than Robin's room.

Right on cue, he came barreling out of his room, a hysterical look on his face. I had an outburst of laughter, but tried to recover with a cough.

"Robin!" Starfire gasped, standing up and walking over to him, deeply concerned. "Whatever is wrong?"

"SLADE!" Robin choked, obviously having trouble with just the simple task of speaking. "I saw him.......his face....looking in my window....WHILE I WAS GETTING DRESSED!" And then he made this really weird gasping noise, and I was pretty sure that he was hypervenalating.

I couldn't breathe, either, I was laughing so friggen hard.

"Don't cry!" Starfire said, obviously getting the wrong interpretation. "We're safe now."

"Yeah, no worries," I choked, through all my laughter. "I'm sure it's not as if he wants to rape you or anything."

"AHHHH!!!"Robin cried miserably,_ making _a dash for the evidence room. Once he got there, he pulled the file cabinet open, and the voice greeted him;

_Welcome, Robby. Slade Daddy loves you._

"......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"

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**A/N:** Ahahah. That was weird. But funny as hell xD. I hope you guys like the new chapter, I know it took forever, my apologies. If you guys are still reading it, let me know what you think, and review. It would mean a whole lot to me. :D Also, I'm kind of posting this in a hurry, so there MIGHT be a few mistakes. But hopefully not. I love you guys! :D


	4. A Merry XMas?

**Well, hello there, all! I hope you're all having a rather enjoyable holiday so far. I am, considering the fact that it gave me time to update! :D Yeah, sorry it's been so long. Here I thought I was going to be better about that kind of stuff, too. Hah! It was a nice thought, huh?**

**Well, of course, considering it's Christmas eve, it gave me the inspiration to write a rather...festive chapter. :D I hope you all enjoy it! And well, if you don't... Sorry. xD**

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_**Disclaimer: Yeah, I still don't own it. D:**_

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Gotta love Christmas, huh?

With all of its, er...cheer, and stuff. A time where everyone gets together, with holly jolly love, and just get along...right?

Uh, wrong. At least in this case. If it were true, then why the hell are these mall-goers running around like mutant, ravenous squirrels?

"THIS IS MADNESS!!" One yelled, racing past me in a blur.

Wait...I thought this was Sparta? Huh...

Anyway, back to the current...predicament. I decided to sit down on a bench, sipping on some tropical slurpee that I totally, completely didn't steal at the Slurp-E-Us while the clerk was getting mauled by a large bag of fruitcakes. Nope...not at all, totally. (Besides, who the fuck names a slurpee place that, anyway? Is it just me, or is it totally hinting something?) While watching the chaos around me, I began to think of what activity had caused all of this in the first place.

Started by me, of course.

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"Oh, Robin, look! So many joyous decorations of Christmas! And oh, look! The Santa of Claus!"

Seriously, the way she always talks makes me want to punch babies.

"Yup, it's Christmas, alright." Robin nodded, obviously trying to humor her. Seriously, he HAD to be getting laid if he was putting up with all of this shit.

"May we go visit him, Robin?"

"Errrrr...."

"Please?" she pouted.

"...sure, if you really want to, I guess."

"Yay!" She grabbed his hand, and of course, all of the rest of the Titans followed, with nothing else better to do. I followed too, obviously not going to miss an oportunity to embarass Robin.

Grimacing, I looked around as we got into the "Santa Express" line, in the center of the mall. All around were a bunch of crying, whiny, pesty kids with their whiny, pesty parents. I was making an honest attempt to just ignore all of them when I felt a sharp jab in my back. I turned around, glaring.

"What?!" I snapped, and looked down, feeling a bit guilty, seeing that it was just some little boy.

"Excuse me, mister. Are you a vampire?"

I blinked. What the hell? Did I really look like a vampire? I looked back over at the kid, taking a closer look. This kid was like, 13. He was no innocent ball of cuteness. I just couldn't help myself.

"Only half. The other half is a monster that eats the happiness and souls out of little children, like you, in a mid-day mall scene, waiting to see Santa Claus."

"....WAAAAAAAHHH! MOMMMMYYY!"

I quickly turned around, whistling, and pretending like nothing happened.

Again, another jab in my back. "Sir. SIR!"

"Yes, Satan?" I asked innocently, before turning around and seeing some chick in her forties, who looked like she had god-knows-what injected into her face. "Oh, sorry. I mistook you for someone else."

"Sir, are you the one who caused my darling sweetheart this horrible bawling?"

"Uh, well, he started it."

"WAAAAAHHHHH!"

"How DARE you! I'll have you know that I have a very terrible migraine, and that wailing is just making it worse! I'm a very important person, you know! I have no time to deal with juveniles like you!"

"Well, christ. Now I feel sorry for the kid for having to put up with a bitch like you!"

Robin finally turned around, finally hearing the bickering, wondering what was going on, and looking quite annoyed. "Spencer, I thought I told you to not-"

"HEY! You're holding up the line!" Another parent yelled, looking quite agitated.

"You know, I don't know why you people are here, anyway!" I shot back, not really thinking about it. "I mean, seriously, put some thought to it for once. You're paying five dollars to give your child the privilege of sitting on the lap of a man that is most likely a chronic masturbater."

Robin blinked, his eyes turning wide.

Beast Boy shook his head. "I dont get it!"

"Shut up, Beast Boy." Raven shot, feeling rather annoyed at the enitre situation.

"I mean, seriously, look at him! I know it's not Santa Claus, but do you really think that's a candy cane in his pocket? I'm thinking not."

Oh boy. That sure started it. Now, instead of just one "waaah", there were quite a few of them, like, in surround sound. Huh...I suppose I really should've thought before I spoke...Oh well.

Suddenly, the parents, instead of tending to their children, looked up, giving me looks that would make Satan it's bitch.

"THERE HE IS! THE LITTLE PRICK THAT STARTED THIS!!!!" One shouted, and started to pounce towards me.

Oh, shit.

I barely moved out of the way in time, and the chick accidentaly mauled into some other parent.

"YOU TRYING TO START SOMETHING?!" The pounce-ee shouted, and soon enough, they were into a parental fist-fight. Which soon reached the other parts of the line, and soon enough, Santa Express turned into Santa Hell. Parents were beating the shit out of each other while the kids just wailed, or cheered there parents on. Or secretly hoped they would lose.

Wow. Some Christmas eve, huh?

"X!" Robin yelled, and sure enough, the Titans took off, making a failed attempt to stop the madness. I listened for a moment, at the mixed voices.

"SOMEONE CALL 911!"

"OH MY GOD, MY LEG!"

"SOMEONE PUT THIS FIRE OUT!"

"GIVE ME YOUR PANTS."

....huh? I'll just ignore that last one...

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So, here I am now, my pride and slurpee in hand. I don't think anyone even remembered why they were fighting anymore, they were just fighting for the hell of it. Maybe it was just relieving some pre-Christmas stress.

"LOOK, EVERYONE!"

I blinked, pausing in mid-slurp, turning around to the source of the voice.

"THERE HE IS! THE KID THAT CALLED ME A CHRONIC MASTURBATER, AND RUINED CHRISTMAS-EVE!"

Oh, shit. It was Santa. It looked like he had a gang, too. Of children and parents alike. There was even some midget in the back...Where the hell did he come from?"

"....LET'S GET HIM!"

I immediately jumped up as an angry, holly jolly mob started toward my way. Things such as giant blocks of fruitcake and other festive items were being hurled at me. I barely missed a dangerous looking Christmas tree as it was aimed at my head, along with sharp, pointy mistletoe.

I yelped, running for my life.

Well, merry fucking Christmas.

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Hahah, well, I guess that was kind of lame, huh? xD Ah well, it was fun writing it. Poor X/Spencer, always getting himself into those situations. Ah well...he had it coming. xD And oh yeah! The thing about him "accidentaly" calling that one lady Satan, came from Ace Ventura. Gotta love it. :D

Thanks again for all of you guys still paying attention to this story, even though I'm a horrible updater! Review if you'd like, of course, it always makes me happy. ^^; Have a superawesomespectacular holiday, and a lovely New Year! :DD I love all of you, even the ones who hate me. xD


	5. When the Titans are Away

**WHOA! What's this? Is it me, replying? I think it might just be. Yeah, I suck at keeping up at things, but I'm doing it now, aren't I? xD I also got a job, but I got fired from life a long time ago. Go figure? **

**Disclaimer:** I've said it a million times, but I'm The Man's bitch, so... **I don't own Teen Titans. At all. Not even a little bit. xD**

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"Friendd~!"

I don't have to reply to that, right? Seeing as I'm not her friend.

"Red X!"

Nope...still not.

"X of Redddd! .....Speenn_cerrr!_"

I'll _err_ her in the face. She makes me want to do bad things. And not good bad things, either. Like, punching babies. Bad.

The door clicked, and Starfire poked her head in the door.

"What ever are you doing in here, friend?!"

Quick! Nobody move. Maybe her eye sight is based on movement...

"....."

Nope, it's just not working. Damn.

"I dunno! You tell me, Crotch of Fire!"

"Oh, I see! Exploring, then?"

REALLY? Does she REALLY not get it?

What a shame. That was a good one, too. But it _was_ a good question: Why the hell was I here?

Well, I _was_ exploring. I mean, you wouldn't think that a lot of rooms could even fit in one T, but apparently they can.

But it wasn't even a useful room!

Go ahead. Take a few guesses. What was in this room?

Nope, wrong! YOU'RE ALL WRONG!

Not equipment. Not cool gadgets of sorts.

Not anything sexual, because I just KNOW that some of you go there. (Don't feel bad. I go there too, and I've been there for a while.)

Or well, I guess it _could_ be taken sexually, in some super weird way.

...anyway.

Gnomes.

The room was FULL of GNOMES!

Cool, huh? Well, I guess, in that really-kind-of-creepy way. If you like lawn ornaments.

They all weren't just the same, either. All different shapes and sizes. Little pocket gnomes and beastly gnomes. Blue gnomes. Orange gnomes. Black gnomes.

Whoa. Wait a sec.

Orange and black.

A certain creeper coming to mind?

"Uh, sure," I finally said coolly, the grin forming at the corners of my mouth enough to make the Cheshire cat shudder.

_**ERGH! ERGH! ERGH! ERGH!**_

All of a sudden, this obnoxious noise started off from somewhere, pretty much drowning all senses and thought.

"What the fuck?" Well, that was a waste of breath. As if anyone in a 2 inch radius could actually hear me.

"IT'S THE ALARM! TROUBLE!" I barely heard Starfire say. "Would you like to come?"

"WHAT?"

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME?!"

"NAH, I'M GOOD."

"ARE YOU SURE?"

"YES!"

And with that, she was off.

Seriously, it sounded like a duck versus Jason Vorhees. And Jason was winning.

Well, if it doesn't turn off in less than a minute, I'm locating the source and kicking the shit out of it. And then Cyborg will be all like, "Snap, yo! YOU DID NOT JUST GO THURR, FUR REALZ, BROTHA."

Haha, NO. That's RACIST. Or wait. Stereotypical? Whatever.

Anyway. Who knows how much time I have? I'd better get to work, eh?

And with that, I scooped up all of the gnomes I could in one handful.

Really, shouldn't they know better than to leave me here alone?

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"Yet another glorious battle that we have won!" Starfire beamed, dancing into the room.

"Yup! We kicked butt!" Beastboy grinned.

"HEEEEY!"

The five of them blinked, looking down towards the hall where the call was coming from.

Hahahah. I'm so clever, I should be legally banned in most states.

"Spencer! Are you in there?" There was a knock on the door.

"Yes, I'm in here! Now would you let me the hell out? I'm getting claustrophobic!"

Cyborg busted the door down, and I fell out of the room dramatically, clinging to Robin's leg. "My herroo!"

Robin raised an eyebrow. Hahah. "What happened?"

"Honestly? I don't really know. Like, I was just thinking, Oh my god! I HAVE to catch up with them! They might need my help, beating that big bad guy, and what if Robin forgot his sweater?! But then, all of a sudden, I was shoved in a room, and locked in. Like, it felt like a kind of metallic hand that pushed me? I don't know...maybe I imagined it."

"Oh, that's horrible!" Starfire cried. "Are you alright?!"

I was trying REALLY hard to not start laughing as Robin walked into his room. "Yup, I'm peachy, all right."

"Uhh, guys?"

I bit my lip, standing up and walking over towards where Robin was standing, in his room. "What's wr- Holy Meteorites, Robin! What's that?"

Robin threw me a glare. Hahah, this was so much fun.

"Spencer."

"Yes, darling?"

"Did you do this?"

"ME?" I argued, doing my best to appear flabbergasted. "Why, I'm offended. First of all, I was in there. Second, where the hell would I buy all of those gnomes, and third, where would I even get the money to buy them? Well, I guess I could have stole them, but why the hell would I go to all the trouble? As if I could even fit that many gnomes in my pants. Or, well, MAYBE I could, if I got some MC Hammer pants or something..."

Robin leaned down, inspecting the lawn ornaments more closely. "Huh....they're all...."

And with that, he got about three shades paler.

I snorted a laugh, but somehow pulled it off as some sort of a scoff.

Beastboy laughed nervously. "Surely not this soon...right?"

I blinked. "Uh, what?"

"We just got back from fighting Slade. He said that he knew _everything_. Our security codes, EVERYTHING. Cyborg said it was safe to assume he was bluffing."

"And it is." Cyborg argued, seeming pretty sure of himself. "There's no way Slade could even get in here."

I laughed. "Do you really think gnomes are much of Slade's style? ...besides. I think he's too clunky to even fit in the door."

"Am I, now?"

Oh god. Oh Jesus. Please let that be some kind of weird recording thing, and not Slade. Please let everyone's expression be because hell has risen behind me from the earth, and Hitler is returning to power with a tutu and jazz hands, and not Slade.

I turned around, and OF COURSE, THERE HE WAS.

....

....

I'm so fucked.

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**Hahah! Fun, huh? xD I kind of feel like I already did a chapter like this...but oh well. If I did..sorry. xD I was in the middle of class when I wrote this, and I totally laughed really loud, and obnoxiously, in dead silence, because I had finished my test when a bunch of people hadn't. I bet EVERYONE has done it before. That wasn't my first time, but it doesn't make it any less worse. Crotch o' Fire...hahahah. xDD**

**X dug himself a neat little hole, eh? Hahah...gnomes. Anyway! Comments? Suggestions? Let me know, and, err...free gnomes for all? Reviews truly are inspiration. Or maybe I just need my ass kicked so I'll update more often? Either way...I'm shutting up now. Buh-bye.**

**(lol, alarms go ERGH.)**


	6. A Proposition

**Tadaa! Update, update. Neat, eh? Yup. Thanks for all of the reviewws! :3 I think that's kind of what helped me update a bit (or maybe a lot?) faster. Gnomes for all! Anyways...enjoy! :D  
**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own it! I'm innocent!**

* * *

"Hey, look, Robin! It's your girlfriend!"

I SWEAR TO GOD, I DON'T EVEN THINK BEFORE I SAY THING LIKE THAT.

I kind of did this weird little dance thing as I went to stand behind Robin.

Human shield!

...wait. Robin was most likely a bad, bad shield when it comes down to Slade. Slade was a beast, after all. And Robin...not so much.

So! Maybe I should relocate behind Cyborg. Or maybe Raven, 'cause she could go all witchcraft and shit on him.

I looked up to view my options, but my sight was obstructed by something rather tall and black. "Robin, what the hell? This isn't the 80's! I can't see over your friggen hair!" I took him by the shoulders, locking my elbows so that he was the closest to Slade.

"Here, Slade...I give you...my virgin sacrifice!"

Did he look interested? I tip-toed, making an attempt to see what was going on, and he was just standing there.

Not saying anything.

Staring.

At ME.

Like a gazelle and a cheetah.

Like a spider and a fly.

Like a pedophile, staring at a young, attractive man such as myself.

OH, JESUS.

"Hm," he finally said, in that creepy tone of voice that he was so good at. (He must practice in the mirror.) "I see there's a guest staying at the Titan's Tower."

I pointed to the metallic man in front of me, and smacked Robin on the back of his head. "Sick him!"

Robin ignored me. (How dare he?) He must be in one of his modes. The oh-my-fucking-god-Slade's-here mode.

"What do you want, Slade?"

"Why, Robin, I'm hurt. Do I really need to have a reason to drop by and see my favorite pint-sized heroes?"

"What, your jail-baits not doing it for you lately?"

SWOOSH!

And all of a sudden, there he was! RIGHT BESIDE ME!

All up in my grill, son! (I know, I know. I'm not a gangster. I'm Snow White.)

"Well! It's admirable that you're as bold with your tongue, even with your mask off, Red X.

EW.

This is EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT!

Bold with my tongue?

AGHFGRAWRA! (See, THAT'S the noise I'm making, I'm so creeped out.)

"I have to admit, I was a bit surprised when I heard about you getting caught. And especially doing something so careless. You really shouldn't put yourself into such...vulnerable positions.

OH MY GOD.

I'm going to cry.

"You know, when it comes to me, young man, I aim for _perfection._ No silly mishaps. No careless mistakes. And you have the potential, Spencer."

EWW, HE USED MY NAME.

"I've been looking for someone like you. Someone I can shape. Per_fect_. To put a little bit of myself into, to last until finally, the climax arrives....And my career in this business will be over. But I'll still have someone to erect in my place.

THIS ISN'T EVEN FUNNY ANYMORE.

"So, Spencer, what do you say? Will you accept my offer, and take your already divine skills and perfect them as my apprentice?"

I shuddered, my virgin shield still in hand. "Well, let's see here. Case number one." I moved Robin to the side, putting my hands out as if he were some sort of prize. "Robin. Your first little apprentice project. I mean, well...do I really need to go into it? He's obviously fucked in the head. I mean, those tights he has going on makes me want to have the Fashion Police on speed dial. He stays up looking at criminal stuff all night, and gets all, like, defensive and shit. I mean, what happened? Did you not call back?"

"And then!" I gave Robin a small push back, not giving anyone time to talk. "The blonde chick."

"Terra!" Beast Boy exclaimed, obviously razzled.

"Yeah, whatever. She went all psycho bitch on everyone, am I right? And then she was all like, 'Oh noes! I'm not really this evil, like, double-yoo-tee-eff am I doing here?' I waved around, flipping my hair dramatically with my other hand on my hip. "I are not evil! I'mma do this weird rock thing, so I can save everyone from teh hawtness of lava!'"

"Hey, not cool!" Beast Boy interjected angrily.

"Hey, I didn't know her! I have nothing against her!" Cough. "But, I mean, really, are we not seeing a pattern? You's a goddamn home wrecker, Slade! And a hoe banger!"

"Hm? Are you saying that he bangs that of which is used to nurse gardens?" Starfire asked, obviously confused.

"...sure?"

"You could be great, Spencer." Slade interjected, as if I had never even said anything. "Think about it." And with that, he was gone.

THANK GOD.

I'M PRETTY SURE I'M MENTALLY SCARRED NOW.

Even more than I was before!

Christ! I need therapy!

Robin cleared his throat, and I looked back around, all of the Titans giving me weird looks.

"Well, what the hell are you all just standing around for? ... Go fix the fucking security system!"

* * *

**Bwahah. I amuse myself sometimes, I do. xD I hope I don't offend anyone in some of this...Oh well. xD Reviews and constructive critisism are still welcome! I love you? Yess!**


	7. Sucessfully Awkward

**So, it's like, four in the morning right now. Not even that, like, 4:37, exactly. 24 seconds in. Yeah, that's right, I counted, wanna fight? I find it kind of funny that I'm gonna update now, at this time of day, but I'll prob'ly get up in the morning and be like, what the FUCK is this? **

**It takes me forever to update, I know. Feed me to the hounds. D; But seriously, hardcore thank you for everyone that reviewed, you're just one slap of epic win.**

* * *

"So, you said that everything is on this computer?"

"Yes."

"Huh." I pretended to think deeply about this, putting my clunky, dirty, god-knows-where-they've-been shoes on top of the nice, shiny desktop in Robin's work room. "So like, by EVERYTHING, that even includes your, cough, gay fantasies, right?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What's that?"

"I just didn't even say anything."

"..."

"I mean, what's up, Robin? You know you can tell me anything. We're buds. B-F-Fs. You know? IDK, my BFF Rob? Like, you know, those kinds of friends. Like, they can't believe that my phone bill is so high, but I just love to text you every waking moment of the day."

His eyes did that thing, where one gets bigger than the other.

O.o Like THAT!

Except, to a more extreme.

And then Robin starts talking about how important the computer is, or something like that, but I mean, seriously.

How does that even work? How the hell can a mask do that?

"...without this computer, we would all be-"

It's not like its attached to your eyes somehow. I mean, it's a mask. They don't surgically attach it to your eyes.

....

Wait. Robin never even takes off his mask, does he? Like, never?

"..and Cyborg crafted each and every..."

Holy shit! Maybe they like, surgically attached it to his eyes? Uh, who IS they? .. well, that just sounds like horrible grammar. Who is they, Angus? Shoot...

"...to fit and modify both the..."

OH MY GOD WAIT.

The Red X mask does it too, doesn't it?!

"And in order to to do that you-" "WHAT THE FUCK."

And he does it again!

"NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!!" I yelled dramatically, and ran out the room.

I never really know what the fuck is going on, but at least I know how to make a good exit.

Then I just walked back into the room, sitting next to Robin once more.

"So, I have an observation. A good prediction, at the most. 99.4 percent accurate."

"On what?" Robin asked, not able to help himself.

Okay, ready for this, everyone?

Your favorite part of the day,

My awesome criminal presumption.

Sounds pretty bad ass, huh?

That's because IT IS, bitches!

...no, I'm sorry. I never meant to call you those hurtful things.

I don't even know why it would be your favorite part of the day, I don't even think it's happened before.

Anyway...

"So, Batman-" Robin twitched, obviously. "And the Joker. They run around Gotham all night, Batman all dark vigilante, and the Joker just crazy all up in his grill. And so then this one day, they're fighting, and Batman accidentaly hits the wrong button on his Bat belt or whatever, and like, all of a sudden, a sex doll starts to inflate. But not just any sort of sex doll. A sex doll modeled to be EXACTLY like the Joker. Like, with the edges of its plastic mouth even cut at the side. And the Joker's all like, WHOA, no way! I have one of those, too! Except not as him, just as like, Batman. So, it turns out that all of the fighting that they did is only because they wanted to release the sexual frustration. So, one day they just rent a hotel, and have hot, rough vigilante sex. Until Rachel Dawes walks in, and she's just like, what the fuck, Bruce? Because seriously. That's kind of fucked up. But in that way that you know is completely true. And I just like to say the word vigilante, because it's just a fun word to say. Right, Robin? ... Robin?"

"Hey... you look a bit pale there..."

Poor Robby can't handle the truth.

Holy sex dolls, Batman!

**ERGH! ERGH! ERGH! ERGH!**

Well, what awesome timing.

Then Cyborg ran into the room, like some sort of Mr. T, - Jesus Christ, I'm racist- flailing his arms around

"YO! What's up with Robin?! We have to go!"

I shrugged. "Uh, no idea?"

"Well, it's serious, and we can't be short handed!" Cyborg finally said, throwing me a Titan communicator.

I blinked. "Whaaaat the fuuuucck?"

"No time to explain, we don't have much time!" And with that, he ran outside.

I shrugged, following him out, grinning down at the communicator in my hand.

I really think the Titans just like to screw themselves over.

* * *

**So, I think it's like...6 now. xD I kept getting distracted, so really, it's not bad timing at all. I feel like this is awkwardly spaced. I have the concentration of a woodland creature.**

**Once again, I hope no one is too creeped out... xD This chapter is totally dedicated to my BFF Alex. Who's going to dress up as Batman, and me the Joker, and we're gonna go to Walmart, and do silly things.**

**So, I think I'm actually pretty good for the next chapter. But if any one has any ideas, suggestions, whatever, I'm totally open for that. Opinions, corrections, flames, whatever you want, hit me! xD**

**Seriously, I love all of you. Even you. Yeah, you. The creepy one.  
**


	8. I suck at life?

Was there an earthquake

**OR DID YOU JUST ROCK MY WORLD?**

Yeah, okay. Anyway. How are you? How's life?

Actually, I'm gonna go ahead and crush your hopes by saying that this isn't an actual chapter.

I think it had to be done like a band-aid, really. Do it fast!

But, anyway. I just wanted you guys to know that I'm like, alive, I think. Like, life has just been kicking my ass. Excuses, excuses, I know. But between school, work, and my sister's eggo being preggo, it seems like I don't have a lot of time to feed my unhealthy addiction of the internet. (I'm trying to get her to name it Mojo, because that would be the greatest thing I've ever seen. Like, one of my friends dog is named Mojo, and they just call him Mojo the dog. And I'm just like, OMG MOJO THE CHILD. DO IT.)

ANYWAY.

I'm really gonna write a chapter soon, excuses be damned. Seriously. Like, I've even started it, I just have to finish it. I need a Phoenix Down for my muse.

If anyone has any like, suggestions, requests for a random chapter, ANYTHING. LIKE ANYTHING.

TELL ME, GODDAMNIT.

NONONO. I'm not yelling at you, I don't want to scare you away. But like, seriously. If I run out of ideas, or I can't find anywhere to go with this, I'll just end it. And like, if you guys want me to end it I totally will, but I would be sad. And I know at least some of you would be sad. If I ever get my ass in gear to update. (Hahah, I've been around my mom too much. She says stuff like that all the time.)

So anyway, I'm gonna go now before I get too distracted. If you would like to review on any of this crap, that's great, but you're not obligated.

This concludes the "I Suck at Life" chapter.

Have an awesome freaking day.

I love you.

(Call me.)

**[XxPredictablexX]**


	9. Out With a Bang Part 1

"_**So, I think I'm actually pretty good for the next chapter."**_

_**/ like five months later. **_

…......

April fools?

OKAY yeah, let's go with that. I kid you not, in this entire document I have saved, it's all like... HEY GUYS, happy Thanksgiving! YAHEY GUYS AGAIN, Merry Christmas, OKAY, Happy Easter? Kwanza?

Fail. Epic fail. My sister is also about to have her baby, if this tells you all anything. Growing up sucks, aye cap'n?

On with the show.

* * *

"**Ccccchhhhhhhh."**

"Team! TEAM! Can you hear m-** CCCCCHHHHHH.**"

Don't laugh, don't laugh. You're only going to ruin it!

"Team, I think Slade is interfering with our- **CCCHAAAHA.**"

Oh god, now it was starting to sound like horror music. I better stop while I'm ahead. Yeah, I was pretty much doing that thing you do when you don't want to talk to someone on the cell phone, and you're all like, OH NOES, GOING THROUGH A TUNNEL, LOOSING SIGNAL CCHHHH, hang up. Pretty funny, right? But it all served a greater purpose.

Today, I'm leaving the tower.

Yup, it's true, Kids. The Tween Titans finally made a fatal mistake by letting me get a hold of a crucial item: a Titan communicator.

But don't get me wrong, I was going out with a bang, bitches!

I raised the communicator to my mouth once more, as suddenly it flashed out of my hand.

"AH! What the fuck? …. God? Is that you? … is this punishment for what I did last summer?"

"Guess again!"

As another flash whipped past me, my hair flowing past like I was on America's Next Top Model or some shit like that, the unknown being stood still, right in front of me.

"...oh, goddamnit. Not YOU. Seriously."

Yeah, everyone probably guessed who it was like, four lines up. But not ME, of course. See what I mean? I've been hanging out with those kooky kids for far too long.

Kid Flash.

"Oh yes, you betcha! Not God, but close enough," the young hero added, taking another step closer.

"EW, SICK, GROSS, GINGER! Don't come any closer! The power of Christ compels you!" I yelled, probably a bit louder than I really should have, making an awkward cross sign with my hands.

"Aw, don't be like that. You'll hurt my feelings. Besides, I have this again, remember?" He replied, waving the communicator in the air.

Oh shit, he's totally right. "Whatever, Kid," I spoke, playing it off. "You know, I really don't think you even have any kind of super power. To be honest, I think you're just on like, crack cocaine. So how about you just find someone to refill your stash, and give me that communicator the hell back! … fool?"

He brushed my comment off as if it was dust- psh, ass-hat, and looked over at me curiously. "I know who you are and everything, the whole situation. Smooth, by the way, the whole Hi-I'm-Red-X-and-I-Get-My-Hand-Stuck-In-Windows whole thing."

"Yeah, did you also hear that thing about how I just killed you in public due to your smart-ass comments and dumped your body in a ditch because that's just where bitches go?!"

Oh wow, did I just say that out loud?

…. I think so.

Yup, I totally did.

"I'm actually surprised you've stayed as long as you have. What has it been, a year?"

I raised an eyebrow. If I had been wearing the mask, it would have done that crazy what-the-fuck eye thing. "Why would it matter to you?" Was he stalking me, or what? Yeah, that was a ginger-like thing to do, wasn't it?

"And if I think I know criminal minds like I do- because I'm a pro, of course- I would say you're thinking about leaving. But then I'm sure they've asked you to become one of them, right? A Titan? And if they haven't, they will. But you've got that whole "bad boy" complex, right? _I work alone, I'm not the hero, blahblahblah_? Well before you take off or do anything stupid, going back to your, ah, juvenile ways, you should really think about it, bro. Before you do something you regret."

…....

….......

What the fuck?

There are so many things wrong with what just happened. He really was in my head, wasn't he? Creeper. GINGER.

"...okay then, _Mom._ I'll be sure to do that."

He threw me the communicator- which I barely caught- saluted, and flashed away.

…. Did he have a point. Was I REALLY going to consider it?

He really is on crack, isn't he?

* * *

So, first off I would like to apologize to any, um, gingers out there. XDD I have nothing against them, promise! One of my best friends is a ginger, forrealz.

Second, this is going to be the last chapter of the fic, but I'm going to split it into two parts. All good things must come to an end, right? But there's still fun to be had, sucka. (Why do I keep talking like that...?)

If anyone is still out there, cough, I'd love to hear what you think about pretty much anything. Feel free to bitch me out, give me opinions as to how YOU think it should end, whether this chapter seems different because it's been so long since I've even written as this character... what you had for breakfast? Your favorite color? Haha, no. You know the drill.

I'll keep at it this time. I'm determined to end it.

P.S, I forgot to tell you all that I freaking love you. So, **I FUCKING LOVE YOU. ** Call me. Again plz.


	10. The Smooth Talker

Hey-WHOA, what? Two months! ONLY TWO MONTHS? Not half a year? I must be crazy, updating so soon!

Actually no, you shut the hell up. I DO WHAT I WANT. Not really, but yeah.

I'll go ahead and say that this actually isn't the second part to the last chapter. Sorry if that disapoints anyone, but I just haven't been able to come up with an ending that I'm happy with.

So I decided to write this little number. xD A lot of people requested things like this, and we all know that I live to make you people happy. (Sarcasm? You tell me. ;D) It has absolutely nothing to do with **Out With a Bang Part 1. **That would be a bit strange if it did.

It's like, almost 4:30. In the morning. There are four very empty cans of Mountain Dew laying beside me on my computer desk.

... I think I have a problem.

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Mountain Dew. Or Batman. Or strippers.**_

* * *

"Hey bud. Whatcha up to?"

"..."

Silence. Nothing. Dead noise. (Is that what it's called?)

"Hey. Raven. RAVEN."

Well this isn't awkward AT ALL. She looked intensely focused on whatever the hell she was reading. I'm pretty sure it was yaoi.

HOLY SHIT, I BET SHE'S READING BATMAN x JOKER. That look in her eyes says that she's caught up in a steamy villain on vigilante fantasy. What scandal. She totally gives off the closeted fangirl vibe, though.

On second thought. What would be even worse than creepy fanfiction?

"... Raven. Are you reading Twilight? Is that where all the rumors about you and Beast Boy come from? You want a sparkly suckish boyfriend, but the closest you can get to is a green skinned, not quite pubescent 13 year old who can turn into a bat?"

"... have you been... talking?"

"... NOT AT ALL."

I WILL NOT HESITATE TO BACK-HAND THIS WHORE.

You know what they say. KEEP YOUR PIMP HAND STRONG.

"Hello friends!" Starfire exclaimed happily, sitting on the other side of me.

"Oh, hey Starfire." I greeted casually. "I have a riddle for you. Interested?"

The alien beamed. "Most interested!"

"All right. What's small and cute, gives light and makes a lot of noise?"

Starfire seriously considered this for a few moments. "Oh, I know! The creature glefershing on the planet Naryawrn!" (lol wtf, Naryawrn. Glefershing. Can someone use those in a sentence, please?)

"Wrong! It's actually... a baby on fire! Get it? Get it? Oh yeah, you definitely get it!" I started cracking up, doing a really cliché knee-slap just to exaggerate it, and the two girls on either side of me stared as if I were Hitler himself. Or some other horrible person that liked to do terrible things to babies.

I finally calmed down, wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes. I glanced at both girls. "Aw, come on now. I know you both laughed on the inside.

"..."

"..."

Damn. There was that awkward silence again.

"... has anyone ever told you guys that your names sound like they belong to strippers? If you girls ever want to do some soul searching and go even further into that, I could totally help. I could be like, the Mickey to your Rocky, if you know what I'm saying. It can be like an episode of one of those angsty shows where the heroine- who would be you two- goes and works the streets or the clubs and what have you to support their pimp- who would be myself. How's that sound? Exciting, yeah?"

_Slap._

_Slap._

….. did I just get double slapped? DENIED?

"... WELL FUCK YOU HOES. I can get someone who will go for higher prices anyway. ROBIN! ROBIN, I NEEEEED YOOOOUUU!"

* * *

Oh yes... good times. xD As always, I freaking love to hear from you guys, even if it's just a HAAY GUURRL HAAAY or a HAAAY GOFUCKYOURSELF HAAAY. Haha, I don't know. Like I said, this has nothing to do with **Out With a Bang Part 1 **at all, but it'll be coming out soon! Hopefully. _

I can't thank you guys enough. You're like my wolf pack. BFFS FOR LIFE. Or I guess you could just say BFF since the forever part is the same as for life. Actually you should just leave now. Yeah. Bye. ;D


	11. FRIDAY!

WHOA, WHAT'S THIS, GUYS? IS IT ME POSTING? I'M PRETTY SURE IT IS.

Yeah, I basically dropped off of the face of the earth for a little bit there- I'm pretty sure tumblr can take like 99.9% of this blame- but I still love you guys. Which is why I decided to come back to post this~

It's nothing crucial to anything plot-wise, it's just a small one shot. But it's something!

* * *

"Robin has instructed me to, um, sit babies with you, former X of Red. Please, can you tell me what this may mean?"

"Starfire, you had better not be saying what I think you're trying to say because if you are, I will kill everything you love."

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Oh. Well, I have a joyous day planned out for us! First we shall-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay. First of all. Robin seriously told you to babysit me? Where's everyone else?"

"Oh, yes! That's the word! Which, you have yet to partake in the action of 'hanging out' with me, so it works out well, yes?"

OH, OKAY.

BECAUSE THAT MAKES A SHIT LOAD OF SENSE, ROBIN.

LEAVE THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT TO WATCH THE CRIMINAL.

THE ONE WHO HAS THE MENTAL CAPACITY OF A TWELVE YEAR OLD.

Okay, poker face. Poker face.

Or well, I had kept up a poker face until I noticed that she was making some really creepy crunching noises. I looked down to see that she was holding a peanut, shell and all.

AND THEN SHE PUT THE ENTIRE FREAKING THING IN HER MOUTH.

"Starfire, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO PUT THE ENTIRE THING IN YOUR MOUTH."

YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, I DON'T CARE IF THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID OR IF THAT'S WHAT SHE DIDN'T SAY. I SAID IT AND I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO SAY IT BECAUSE I CAN'T EVEN.

She was about to put another in her mouth, but I slapped it out of her hand by impulse. She gasped loudly and looked at me, looking genuinely confused.

"Why would it have a shell if you could not eat it?"

"Pf, I don't know. I'm not the almighty creator, I hold no freaking answers. What about a crab shell? Would you eat one of those?"

"Does it have the mustard on it?"

"... no?"

"Then possibly not."

I wonder if Robin would get laid if he used mustard.

"Oh! I also made the toast as well, but it got stuck."

I watched as she flew away to the toaster, AND THEN SHE FUCKING STICKS A FORK INTO THE TOASTER."

"STARFIRE. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, YOU DON'T STICK FORKS INTO THE TOASTER. YOU WILL DIE A TERRIBLE, SLOW DEATH IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN."

With a small _eep, _she threw the fork up into the air. "Why has no one else told me of these treacherous things?"

"I guess they all just want you to die or something."

I almost felt like a dick, but she didn't even hear me because she squealed at something that came on the television.

"THIS SONG IS RATHER JOYOUS! _Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday! WE WE WE SO EXCITED!"_

"... you know, I think I was actually wrong about the fork thing."

* * *

FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRID- LOL NO.

Sorry this was so short and worthless.

Seriously though, I don't think I'll ever get tired of writing X, no matter how old I get. DEAL WITH IT.

Also, I don't own the song Friday by Rebecca Black. Even though I totally wish I did.

I love you guys. No matter what seat I'm kicking it in.


	12. Pimpin' Ain't Easy

_A/N: Oh, hey. How've you guys been? I miss your lovely faces. I still love you, so, here, have a chapter._

_Even though it's kind of shitty and irrelevant._

_Oh well. I blame tumblr for everything. _

_Also, I changed the second genre of this story to angst._

_Just to fuck around with people._

_;D_

* * *

My name is Spencer,

and this is the story of how I died.

…..

…...

So why the fuck are you still here?

Dead men tell no tales, you stupid bitches.

But no, really, I'm not dead or anything, but I definitely know who wanted to beat the shit out of me.

Three guesses as to who it was. No, actually, you don't even need three guesses to get it right. That's just you being a greedy whore.

…. yeah, it was Robin. Are you surprised, honestly?

Have you even been paying attention this entire time?

* * *

"Hey, Starfire. Want to do something fun? Want to go to Taco Bell? _I can't go to Taco Bell, I'm on an all-carb diet! GOD Spencer, you're so STUPID!"_

There was a bit of an awkward silence as I realized that I had just answered myself in what I thought Starfire's voice would sound like, which was quite similar to a small dog getting hit by a truck. I've seen the movie Mean Girls way too many times. Way. Too. Many.

"Uhmmm... anyway. Want to do something fun?" I asked again, as if that hadn't even happened.

"I would, indeed!" Starfire beamed. "What is this fun thing you speak of?"

"Come on, then. You'll see."

-30 minutes later-

"She's cheap! She's pretty- or welll, in that weird sort of anime way, at least. You'll be amazed at what she can do for only- oh, shit, is that Robin? Holy FUCK it is, oh my god, he's going to kill my future children if he- wait, I don't even want- wait, okay, this is irrelevant, QUICK, STARFIRE, DESTROY MY PIMP CANE! DESTROY ALL OF THE EVIDENCE! LOOK NATURAL! We're just going to get our nails done, right? Wait, what the fuck, I don't- YOU KNOW WHAT IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER, FUCK THIS NOISE!" I yelled, also suddenly regretting the heavy purple coat. It really was too much, especially in the middle of summer. Just... too much. It also made him look like scene-kid version of the Joker. As always, I was causing a scene on the middle of the sidewalk, and ran away as fast as I could, but managed to bump straight into Robin.

"Oh, hey buddy. What's up?"

"Oh, Robin! Would you like to partake in my ways of the 'prostitution' as well? I haven't been able to help anyone with their 'needs' yet, which is unfortunate.

… shit.

He's glaring. I know he is. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.

Fuck, I have to look.

"... I love you?"

… what the fuck was that?

"... I could charge _double _for you, you know. Since you're like, the leader or whatever. People like that kind of thing."

"..."

"... it's not easy out here for a pimp, you know."


End file.
